Tag: Mental Health

  • Why You Can’t Say No to Adventure (And When to Rest)

    Why You Can’t Say No to Adventure (And When to Rest)

    Sunday evening, a text pops up: ‘Hey, wanna run up the Apron after work tomorrow?’ Excited, I agree, again. I mean, why not? It’s summer, the weather looks great, and that sounds fun. 

    What I easily forget is the jam-packed weekend that’s not so far behind me: biking on Friday, climbing on Saturday, running up the Chief earlier this morning. 

    On second thought… man, I am tired. And yet here I am saying yes anyway, because the truth is once I’m out there it feels worth it. There is no denying how good it feels to scratch the itch, to chase every good day the summer has to offer, but this feeling comes with a toll.

    I wake up the next morning feeling like it’s my body’s job to hold down the couch but somehow I putter myself over to the kitchen to make my regular cup of tea before work. As I reach for the kettle my climbing plans pop into my head through the tired fog, and I’m immediately bombarded with convincing thoughts: ‘I can rest tomorrow’, ‘it’s nice out, so why not?’, ‘everyone else is going to be out there, so why not me?’.

    Sound familiar? Saying yes isn’t the problem. Overriding your body’s signals, ignoring what it’s asking for because the season feels too short to waste a single good day, that’s the real problem. 

    Why This Pull Feels So Strong

    There’s a reason this pull feels so strong, and it’s not just in your head. 

    Our nervous systems have evolved to treat the fear of missing out (FOMO) as a kind of threat. For most of human history, being left behind by the group wasn’t a small thing, it could mean real danger. This wiring hasn’t gone away, it just shows up differently now: as a text you feel you can’t say no to, or a pang of anxiety when you picture someone else out with your climbing partner. 

    Your body reacts to FOMO almost the same way it would react to an actual threat: a little surge of urgency, a little tightening, a pull to act right now. Now, this isn’t a weakness, it’s actually just how we are built. This survival response, however, was never meant for plans to climb on Monday evening. 

    From this we’re quick to argue with our body’s bids for rest. We negotiate with our own exhaustions until we’ve talked ourselves into going, and maybe other times we just completely turn our backs to these signals and let the yes happen far before our bodies get a vote. 

    We do this over and over again, all season long, until we’re physically burnt out, on the cusp of or already injured, and all around too depleted to enjoy that big objective we’ve been working toward all year. Slowly, we lose touch with what our bodies are telling us, until it gets harder and harder to recognize. And somewhere deep down something is telling us that this isn’t sustainable.

    A Question to Ask Before You Say Yes

    Next time that text pops up, try actually listening to your body before you answer. Your body might be asking for rest, a day to hold the couch down. Your mind, on the other hand, might be running that same wiring we talked about, the one that treats missing out as a threat. It might be whispering that this could be the last good day of summer, that everyone else is out there, that you’ll regret staying home.

    Neither voice is wrong to have, but only one of them knows what you actually need.

    So next time you feel the pull because of FOMO, pause and ask yourself: does what my body needs from me match what my mind is telling me?

  • Understanding the Roots of Emotional Experiences: Grief

    Understanding the Roots of Emotional Experiences: Grief

    After nearly a year of restrictions, I have recognized a significant increase in people acknowledging that they “feel low, without any reason”. They are feeling unmotivated, unexcited and generally down-hearted and blue. When we explore what fills us up, many talk about socializing, exploring new places, trying a new restaurant, visiting with family, attending a concert. For some, a quiet cup of tea and a good book is what fuels them, a walk around the neighbourhood, or an opportunity to work from home. The past year has forced many of us to slow down, turn inward and embrace our yin energy. At the beginning of the pandemic, many people reported feeling happier. They noted a better work/life balance. They reported more time spent with family. They spoke about opportunities to explore their own backyards and a chance to slow down. However, as the old saying goes, “too much of a good thing is still too much”. People long for balance. Many want the opportunity to work from home, but also to have a reason to get out of the house. A chance to spend time with family, while still having the chance to connect with friends, have time to themselves and meet new people. Time to explore nature around their communities while being able to escape to somewhere completely new for the weekend.

    If you find that you are feeling low, down-hearted and blue, take a moment to recognize what you may be grieving. Grief is the normal process of reacting to a loss. Validating our own experiences of grief can be challenging as we often attribute grief only to the death of a loved one. Very differently from this, we experience grief in our every day lives. We grieve the opportunity to hug a friend, the fact that our children cannot play with other children, the chance to see extended family. We grieve independence, the ability to plan and the opportunity to get excited about the future. Also, unresolved grief can easily be brought to the surface by new experiences of grief. If you find yourself feeling angry, sad, regretful, or even persistently hopeful for the end of this period of time, I encourage you to pause, turn inward and reflect on what is that you may be grieving. Through acknowledging this sense of loss, we can validate our own experiences and put language to “why” we are feeling low.

  • Walking the Middle Path: Dialectics

    Walking the Middle Path: Dialectics

    Dialectics is the balancing of opposites while entering the paradox of “yes” and “no”, “true” and “not true” at the very same time.  We know that the universe is filled with opposing ideas and opposing forces, meaning that there is always more than one way to see a situation, and more than one way to solve a problem.  While it can be difficult to see at times, two things that seem like opposites can both be true. When I think about how this may present, I can see that we can be by ourselves AND still be connected to others.  We can be with others AND still be lonely.  We can be mad at someone AND love and respect the person.  We can disagree with rules AND follow the rules. We can be independent AND want help. The ways in which we experience the world around each of us are all valid, though they are all different.  The way a given situation impacts each of us individually is going to be different, but again, is valid.  


    When we look at the world through this lens, we also become aware of the fact that we are all connected and can step away from black and white thinking.  The way we treat one another impacts the individual person, but then it also impacts their family, their co-workers, the person at the grocery store, gas station or anyone they come into contact with.  What we do influences our environment and other people in it and in turn the environment and other people influence us.  The stress of the holiday season, covid, finances, etc. can impact the way we hold ourselves, but I wonder if we can all turn inwards and acknowledge the ability to be stressed or overwhelmed AND grateful.  To be excited about a covid vaccine AND defeated about not knowing when we will receive it.  To be excited for the holidays AND feel upset that traditions may not look the same as other years.  Despite all these opposing forces, how can we support the positive ripple effect in our families, communities and places of work?  


    What I am trying to get at here is that we can feel the challenging emotions but also acknowledge the other side. We can feel positive emotions and acknowledge the difficult feelings. If you are inherently a positive person and find it easy to look on the bright side, then it may be more challenging to see the challenging emotions lying beneath the surface. Conversely, if you are more prone to feel challenging emotions, it may be difficult to see the positive side of things. Regardless, it is difficult for all of us to “walk the middle path” and hold space for both.  But when we try,  we can live whole-heartedly and have empathy for one another and our varying perspectives.